All
by Mediterranean Tomatoes
Summary: "All or nothing, Antonio, take me or leave me, but you can't just string me on like this." Teen!Spamano.


This was written for my tumblr secret Valentine~

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_All_

It all started out so simply... Antonio just crawled into his bed one night and curled up to him, not saying a word. Lovino might have freaked out a little more if Toni had actually looked to be in a good mood, or if he had been trying to excuse himself for suddenly invading the Italian's space, but there had been such a somber look to his face, Lovino couldn't say no. Well, he had, but it had been more of a "I'm Lovino and I'm going to say no to everything" rather than an actual no...

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, face to face with the Spaniard. There were only so many inches separating them, and Lovino heated up at the thought. Who the hell was Antonio to come barge into his world like this, all smiles and laughter and happy guitar playing by day and then sultry and serious once the sun set. It was like the star was his battery, and after its light went out, he went out with it, all the weight of his little world to fall back on his shoulders. So, more than likely, Antonio wasn't okay.

"I'm fine, Lovi... I just wanted to come hug you," he said softly, pulling the Italian close again. It felt more desperate than it should have, though, not full of the love and care Lovino would have liked to see from his- the Spaniard.

"That's a lie," he mumbled, shakily bringing his fingers up to run through brunet curls. His shows of affection were rare, and Antonio always seemed to be happier whenever he was nice to him. It didn't seem to be working tonight, however. Antonio still remained stoic as he pulled away, though the beginnings of a smile did quirk at his lips.

"I guess you're right..." Toni's voice was hushed, not only for a need of secrecy but just from his cheerless expression. Lovino wished they didn't have to whisper like this- that they could talk loudly and openly and not have a care in the world, but it wasn't like a homeless shelter could really offer that sort of privacy. He and Antonio just happened to share a room, and while the idea had been terrible at first, Lovino had come to accept it now.

"Well if I'm right, tell me what the hell is wrong with you," he said with a grumpy expression, pushing at the Spaniard. No more hugs if he was going to be withholding information.

"I... I don't think... so you remember my brother?" He asked quietly.

"You mean the guy who looks like you except his hair is really long and he's more of an asshole?" Lovino asked, a bit of a flat expression on his face. It wasn't like he didn't like the elder brother, he just didn't know him too well, "I thought he was out of this place. Didn't he get some apartment on the south end?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's just... you know I was gonna go live with him after he had some time under his belt at his job, and got approved to be my guardian, but now... well, something happened," he went quiet, looking away from the Italian.

"Something like what?" He asked with a frown, "Is he okay? Are they just not letting you leave?" Antonio was still only sixteen, which meant he had another two years in this boring, hellish place- as if the four he had spent in here after his mother passed away hadn't already been bad enough. Lovino was almost in the same boat, just a year younger than the Spaniard, but... he had run away more than been left homeless by circumstance, and after all this time his 'family' had decided not to take him back. Fuck them too, if he may add.

"He was stabbed," Toni mumbled, "I don't know why he was involved, but it was by some gang members in the neighborhood, and now everyone thinks he's in a rival gang or something, so they won't let me live with him..."

Lovino was silent, listening to Antonio speak as the blood drained from his face. Stabbed? By a gang? That... no, hell no, that wasn't even fair! "They can't do that!" He argued, raising his voice, "they can't just keep you from your brother for-"

Suddenly Antonio's lips were on Lovino's and the Italian's loud protests quickly died.

What? When had that even become a good thing? When had it become an _okay_ thing? Lovino didn't hate Antonio, no, not like he had when they first met and he couldn't get away from all that dear cheeriness, but this wasn't anything they had ever talked about. Not like they had talked about a relationship in the first place. It was kind of a scary thing to thing of, something that could be concrete one moment and dust in the wind the next, especially when they were staying in the same room like this...

Lovino found himself not caring. He didn't care if it was okay, or if it was right, or if it was what he should be doing to calm Antonio's racing heart, he just kissed back and pulled the other close. They kissed themselves breathless, and then some more, hands wandering and pressing as close as they could with layers of fabric between the two of them. They kissed until Antonio was feeling calm enough to sleep, and then Lovino pressed soft and gentle kisses to his face as he slept, a warm smile showing on his face.

It really had started innocently enough...

But then Antonio had come back the next night, and he did the same thing. Well, not the exact same thing, since they didn't talk about his damn brother this time, but the feeling was there. The sad, sobering reminder that Antonio wasn't always so perfect and cheerful as he seemed during the waking hours of the day, and each night when he gripped Lovino so tightly, as if he feared he'd slip away as they slept. He came back night after night, stealing kisses away from Lovino after the lights were out.

Really, Lovino didn't have the heart to tell him to stop- not like he wanted him to anyway. He was enjoying these nightly visits, even if they never seemed to mention it the next morning. It was just so sweet, so blissful that Lovino didn't ever want it to end. There was just one small problem... They had stopped talking all together.

Lovino wasn't sure if it was himself or Antonio who stopped saying hello in the morning, or making idle chats over nasty government lunches, but slowly the conversations ceased. Lovino didn't know if it was hurting Antonio as much as it hurt him, but the lack of contact was stifling. And yet, every night, he'd give in to his and Antonio's desires, and they'd touch and kiss and just hold each other like they could ride through this storm together.

What did this make them? Were they lovers? Boyfriends? Friends with Benefits? Lovino didn't know, and thinking about it made his head swirl. He had to make this stop- or at least had to understand what was happening. Did Antonio like him, or did he just like his body? Maybe he had hated him all along, and this was just his way of torturing Lovino's poor soul. Maybe his brother was fine at home and Toni had invented that story to get into his pants. Lovino wouldn't know until he asked, and he couldn't ask until they stopped kissing.

"Bastard," he murmured softly, arms still wrapped around Antonio though he ached to push him away, "Antonio, I..." he mustered the strength it took to move and let go, shifting so he could see the brunet face-to-face, "We need to talk..."

"About what Lovi?" He asked, a tired rumble really. There had been no kisses today, just constricting hugs and gentle pets to try and soothe the weary beast.

"Are you really that dumb?" Lovino hissed, wishing for a moment he could just hit Toni and be done with it, "Did you really think everything was fine?"

"What? No, I... I didn't know what you wanted to talk about... We haven't really been saying much recently..."

"That's what!" Lovino responded quickly, before his resolve could shrivel up and die under Antonio's bottle green gaze, "we haven't been speaking. You're acting like a nervous, cheating spouse and it's driving me fucking insane!"

Toni was quiet for a breath, and then another as his sleepy mind was jogged awake by Lovino's almost-yelling.

"Nervous? I've not been acting nervous-"

"You're a terrible fucking liar, Antonio, just tell me what's wrong!" Lovino growled back.

"Nothing- I just... I didn't want to say anything," he mumbled, trying to hug the Italian. Lovino wouldn't have it, though, and he pushed Antonio back again.

"No, you can't just hug and kiss me and expect everything to just be fine! Whatever relationship we're in, it's a shitty one!" Lovino put some extra distance between them, sitting up and leaning against the wall behind his bed, "now fucking talk! Why have you been avoiding me?"

"Lovi, please keep your voice down," Antonio said softly, "You're gonna get us caught..."

"Yeah right," he said, shaking his head, "Go sit on your bed if you're so worried..." Regardless, his loud and harsh tone had dropped back down to a whisper, and Lovino drew his knees to his chest, "Just... I wanna know what's going on..."

Antonio looked as if he was pondering telling the Italian, wondering what would come of it if he told the truth or if he just tried to find a way to lie out of it. Lovino always seemed to know of his lies, though...

"I was kinda scared," he finally admitted, looking away from the Italian, "I thought if we talked about the kissing, you'd get upset and stop wanting to do it. And then we just started to talk about less and less, and I thought you were mad at me about something..."

"So you kept sneaking into my bed to kiss all over me? How does that make any sense?"

"I don't know, it just did!" He blushed. Lovino took a moment to savor that: Antonio with a bright and rosy hue to his cheeks. Even through the darkness he could see the way they made his face change. There was no longer some hardened boy trying to block out the world, just a nervous little kid, hoping he wouldn't be rejected.

"It just made sense to keep coming to you, Lovi. We didn't talk, so I wondered if maybe it was just a dream and I was just imagining you loving me like this, but obviously it wasn't! Or... at least it wasn't a dream," Toni quieted back down after his small outburst, sitting up now and fiddling with the hem of his old shirt, "I don't know about the you loving me part..."

Lovino let him sit and wonder a few moments more before sighing, his hand running through his hair, "You idiot... I wouldn't... I wouldn't have just run away... I was obviously okay with it, so why the hell would you even think I'd run off? Not after getting someone like you..."

Toni's eyes, looking nearly black in the shadows of the room, were shining with a child-like excitement. He looked so happy he could shout, and before that happened Lovino pressed a finger to his lips.

"Toni," he said softly, leaning forward, "Don't you ever, _ever_ think I would just abandon you. And don't you ever compare me to a stupid dream either! I'm the real fucking deal, okay? But if you think I'm just going to let this half-assed relationship continue because I'm too selfish to let you go, you've got another thing coming!"

Antonio's eyes pouted when his mouth couldn't, and he whined softly. Lovino simply rolled his eyes, pulling the other close and pressing a kiss to his lips, "It's all or nothing, Antonio. Take me or leave me, but you can't just string me on like this."

For another moment the Spaniard was quiet, as if savoring the taste of Lovino on his lips before he smiled. His answer was simple, followed by a gentle, loving kiss. "All."


End file.
